What Happened To My Hero?

LL has a new cd out... I'm crying inside. I'm an older dude. When LL came out with Radio, I was in the 6th grade. You can do the math and the science on that one. Back then, nobody and I really mean NOBODY was fuckin' with L. I felt that way all through middle school. To this day, if you ask me my Top 5 Dead or Alive, after I tell you that question is stupid, I'll list LL and Rakim regardless of who I have on my iPhone at the time. Fact of the matter is, LL is dope and there would be no Jay or Wayne or none of those dudes without him. He is part of the reason rappers stopped dressing like Melle Mel. Shit, we could all be lookin' like P-Funk still if it weren't for Uncle L.

But why????? Why another album man? I mean, if you are contractually obligated, I get that. Is this some political shit going on? Why can't he just say he HAD to make it or he wouldn't get his masters or something? God won't allow me to say it's garbage because that's a sacrilegious act, but GOD HELP ME if it's not at least recyclable!! I haven't bought an L project since G.O.A.T. and even that was suspect... I mean, when I say Canibus got at him and I don't even like Canibus, that tells you something. 

Everytime I look for this LL...

I get this LL... Well, shit maybe the ladies still love him? More power to him! But what about the ol' heads?? What about me, Unc?

I was just having a conversation with my wife tonight about him. I mean, he can act! He's better than 50 any day and I believe him. Xzibit knows where the money is and X to the Z still got that fire in him. Get that movie money, L!! Please! Now I'm hearing Latifah is coming back... Kill me now! 

Why can't they bow out gracefully??? I don't get it. Didn't ANYONE watch Jordan's return to the game? Didn't anyone learn from that? What about Jay-Z? Here's someone from the early 90's who went out on top and came back and now everyone thinks Kingdom Come sucked. I liked that shit, minus the Beach Chair and Usher shit. Oh and that Katrina joint was a little corny too but... I liked it BETTER than American Gangster. That's just me. But LL... James Todd... Uncle L... I believe in you! Don't tell me Santa Claus doesn't exist man! Don't do this shit to us. I can't explain to my daughter that you had contractual obligations and that's why Daddy lost faith in the greatest emcee (second to Ra) ever. 

I'm beyond shaking my head... I'm just hanging it. Confused.

Sincerely, 

Your nephew,

Montana...

(Why, man?? WHY????) 

F*** Akon!

That always gets some attention. I'm a hater. Say hi to me Maino. You too, Swizzy. I mean, I must be, right? I must be a hater because I don't like Akon. I must just have no appreciation for his music. Well, that's because his music represents everything wrong with commercial, terrestrial radio: one song bleeds into the next and sounds exactly the same. Plus, this dude stays in trouble. Not like 2Pac, interesting trouble but more like Olsen Twin-trouble. 

Let me see... Lied about his criminal past, threw a teenage white kid off stage, dry humped an underage girl on stage and most recently dropped bows on another girl who was just trying to touch his midget body. I mean, we all thought Lauren was the most screwed up one from the Refugee camp... Nah, nah. The Konvict got em all beat. 

Now, I can really just shake my head and turn the other cheek with all of the above things but add those to the horrible Michael Jackson project, "Smack That" and the fact that everyone knows T-Pain is more talented (which is just scary to write, let alone think at all) and you get an abomination of music and celebrity. Shit, even Gwen Stefani is pissed at Aliaune. 

This is my blog so I can say what I want. I don't care what you think. Dude gets the gas face from me. I'll take Nate Dogg's worst hook any day over an Akon track, even if the God Rakim was on it. 

TJ Swann begat Nate Dogg who begat Akon... Except Nate Dogg is DOPE! Shit, I didn't forget about Kokane...

Word...